Teary Tuesday

I have a child at work that will be in full crying spell and when you ask what is wrong she cries out “I’m just emotional!” This is me tonight! There comes times when I am hit with the need to cry. I can feel it building up inside me and I know it is coming. I try to prepare others (yes, I won’t lie, it does usually revolve around monthly cycles) for the out pouring that is bound to be coming. Then there are nights like tonight, nights where it can’t be held back! Stopped on my way home from work and rented a good chick flick to ensure the tears would come. Can’t have them locked up inside! And oh….did they come! So much going through my mind as the tears pour out.

They say  a song can take you back to a specific moment in time. I am a firm believer in this and in the healing therapy music can provide. The song from the movie took me right back to 3 years ago. Sitting in my parent’s living room with mom, my sister and brother. Dad was in ICU in the hospital. We had spent the day at the hospital and came home to unwind at the end of the day. The Grammy’s were on TV, and my brother was always a huge fan of award shows while we were growing up. We were even known to dress up for these events once or twice. As we sat watching, Bette Midler took the stage as a part of the In Memoriam. She sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” My brother, sister and I shook with tears, thinking of our oh so sweet Daddy, knowing that his end was very near, thankful for all he had ever done and given us. I can’t hear the song today that I don’t think back to that night and cherish the memory.

During the past 3 summers, I have struggled with the time away from my love. His work and passion take him away for long periods throughout the summer. In the beginning these times apart brought on a huge amount of insecurity. Everything was so new and developing right before our eyes. It was extremely difficult. It has always been a struggle to deal with going from being his #1, first box on his to do list, first thought in the morning, to way down on that list! The blocks of quietness between texts can seem neverending at times. It has gotten much easier. Our feelings for each other are much more secure and stable know. Validated you could say 😉 . The separation is still difficult though. Walking around in the day to day world without half of yourself can be hard! I miss our evenings the most.

Also on my mind during this cry storm is our future. So excited for it to begin. Wishing it could begin tomorrow. Ready to begin the next phase of our forever together. Trying to imagine what our stress free life will be like is quite fun! I can’t wait! Can forever come already?!?!

xoxoxo

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