Stressful Day!

I’m in a mood! We will see which direction this goes lol! It’s a sad day….#1 I had to take Anton back to work today after 2 wonderful weeks together! Luckily, I will be joining him in just 1 week! #2 I got another speeding ticket today! :O¬†I managed to make it through most of my driving years and could say “I’ve never gotten a ticket” Until a few years ago….I seem to be trying to catch up for all the years I went ticketless! This time I was clueless! I honestly thought I was doing the correct speed limit! Had cruise set and everything! GrRRR!!!! I was as nervous as could be the rest of the ride home! Had a cop pull out behind me and it tore me to pieces until he finally passed me! #3 I have to go back to work in the morning after 6 days off!!! ūüė¶ and to make it all worse…I am short staffed all week and have tons and tons of work to get done! I went in this evening after hours and did a little bit but couldn’t concentrate well enough to do anything major. #4 I have an issue that has me worrying….I am already doing everything I can do to resolve the issue at the moment, lots of sitting and waiting, which I am not good at! I try keeping it out of my mind since¬† no good can come from the constant worry, but it always seems to creep back up. I feel as if I am in need of a very good cry. One of those ugly face cries. I feel it building up!

On the bright side! We had a wonderful weekend away! We visited my family & Anton’s family. It was an extremely busy, on the go time, but lots of fun! My family proved yet again to be dysfunctional and full of drama! (Uggghh! Thanks guys!) While his family proved to be entertaining, fun, and so easy to be around! I love every second of our time together and I long for it the second we are not together. It’s gonna be a long week! I’m sure I will write more later! xoxo

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Since You’ve Been Away I’ve Been Down & Lonely…

Today was another busy busy day at work! The busy days are great for keeping my mind off of missing my man! But it always sets in when I get home in the evenings and he’s busy working! I’m managing to stay somewhat positive and upbeat since our visit together. That small break in between the 3 week spread really helped! Now I just have to get through this week and then he’s home for a little bit before he leaves me again.

I’ve been worrying about my mom lately. When I call, she seems so down and lonely. I know she is missing my Dad. This time of year is hard for us. He loved this time of year, being outside, mowing grass, spreading mulch, planting flowers. He was always busy doing something outside. I realize it’s easier for us kids, we each have our own busy lives to keep us occupied. She has nothing to fill her days and nights. I’ve made an effort to try and call more frequently, and she seems to be enjoying that. We are going to visit this weekend and she is really looking forward to that. Money is a major worry for her. I really hate that for her. She¬† has worried over money and bills her entire life. It just seems that if you work hard and some point, sometime you should be rewarded for your hard work and given some relief. Which, don’t get me wrong, she is partly to blame, she has trouble budgeting and saving money, always has. But still, it just seems like you should be able to be a 70 year old widow and not have to worry about every penny and dime week to week. It’s sad. She can’t fix the things that are wrong with her house. She’s constantly filled with worry that something will break or something wil happen and she won’t have the money to fix it. I know our visit will do her good, and hopefully I will come home with a better feeling about her.

Well..I have lots I need to do before I make it to bed tonight. Not feeling like doing anything though! Hopefully if I turn on some music it will get me up and moving and I can check some things off my to do list! I have a trip and a homecoming to prepare for! I’ll write more tomorrow! Have a terrific Tuesday! xoxo

A Phone Call Saved the Day!

What a day! Super emotional! #1….PMS ….#2…my baby is gone¬† #3…work drama¬†¬† #4….lack of sleep¬†¬† #5…I’m siiiccckkk

Friendship and work ……very, very thin lines. I have made the mistake of crossing that line in the past. I was weak and alone and needing guidance and a confidant. And who else to turn to if not the people I spend all day long with! Wrong Answer. Looking back …I see how wrong it was, and how they took advantage of the situation. I am an open person, I attempt to put up walls but I’m never very successful. So I find it difficult to work closely with another person and not become close with them. But as the boss, it is something I must really work hard on in the future. All leading up to today’s drama. A employee posted an article on facebook about why good employees quit. Of course it was due to poor management! It crossed a line. I take it very personal. It hurt. I don’t want to be the person who says “I can’t believe she did this to me after all I have done for her” I really don’t want to be that person, but it is a hard battle. I hate confrontation. I despise it and avoid it at all cost! Another weakness I must work on. I didn’t approach the staff member with this issue today. For one reason, I was too emotionally charged. I needed time. I also feel as if she is only making herself look bad in other’s eyes. Other staff members were shocked at the post and took on the stance of “what nerve she has” Almost laughing at her and how stupid she made herself look. They all know they have it made at work. They get off anytime they ask, no matter how short notice, the job is somewhat stressful, but is pretty easy. I’m a laid back boss, so not a high stress situation. I’d do anything to help anyone of them. So, of course I take this to heart. Live and learn…

The rest of my day…

I was productive and got lots done! I love days like that! I am preparing for my trip to see my lovely Anton Saturday and gathering work to take with me. I can’t wait to see him! I miss him so very much! I didn’t sleep well again last night! I’m so used to having him beside me…touching me…reaching for me. I have had to stop and ask myself; do I take him for granted when he is here? Do I need these breaks to keep myself from doing that? To make me cherish each and every second with him. I feel like I do that on a regular basis….but on days like this when I want nothing more than to come home after a long day of work and just sit and cuddle with him¬† I honestly hope I never take that for granted!

We got word at work that our rating will be on Tuesday the 26th…I won’t be there…but my girls are pumped and ready! I have full confidence in them!

How could a day like this end you say??? With a phone call from the sweetest man alive! Thank you baby! Hearing your voice made it all better! Oh, and to top it off….my girl on the Voice didn’t win ūüė¶ 2nd place!

That’s all for today!

Hurry home Anton! xoxox

“I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart.”

O.K….here’s my take on all the Grey’s Anatomy drama recently. I used to watch Grey’s religiously, I never missed an episode during the first few years. I loved the music, the characters, the heartwrenching storylines, the quotes, oh how I loved the quotes (If you will look back, a Grey’s quote is how I began my first entry in this blog) When Meredith announced that Christina was “her person” I had to have a person too! Over time, I lost interest and quit watching.

Last week all of the “Dr. Shephard¬†death” posts on facebook¬†caught my eye and peaked my interest. I watched the episode online and did the whole ugly cry thing. The bf (let’s call him Anton from here on out) looked over and said “Are you really crying from a T.V. show?” My reply, “Yesssss¬†sniff, sniff” I then explained, he was her love, her one true love, he was the one for her, her one big, huge, love of her life. They fought so hard along the way to be together and they made it work. They made it to their happy ending. And now he’s gone. What is she supposed to do?? I feel that, I have finally found my big, true¬†love with Anton and to lose him now would be unimaginable. So, yes…I cried…hard! He consoled me, unjudging, and without laughing.

This week, we watched the 2 hour episode that showed everyone else’s reaction to the death of McDreamy. Several things about the episode have stayed in my mind throughout the weekend. First, how the death of someone close to you causes everyone to stop and take a long look at their own life and how they are living it. And deciding to make the necessary changes to live life to it’s abosolute fullest potential. They say I Love You more than they did before, they don’t take the little things for granted, they wake up each morning ready to face the day and whatever it may offer. I know I felt these very same things when I lost my Daddy last year. It proved just how short life is to me. I just find it sad that it takes us losing someone to bring out this reaction. We should have been living our lives this way for years.

Another part of the episode that stayed with me is Dr. Baileys¬†reaction. Even when I go over it now in my head, tears come to my eyes. Dr. Bailey explained to her man how with her ex husband she could imagine him being gone, and knew she would be O.K. But with him, he is such a part of her, that when she imagines something happening to him, she can’t see herself ever being O.K. “I love you too much” she says. I so feel this. I have a somewhat morbid mind I guess. I would imagine something happening to my ex (both of them) , and I was always o.k. afterwards. But with Anton, when I think of such things, it gets hard to breathe. He is a piece of me. I can’t go on if he’s not here beside me. He doesn’t believe in fate or soulmates, I really don’t either…..however, something brought us together. Our paths crossed in¬† an unconventional way, at just the right time in both of our lives for some reason. We both lost a parent within 2 months of knowing each other, we were there for each other and helped each other feel the huge void that was missing in our lives. My life has¬†changed so greatly in so many positive ways since Anton came into my life. I am holding on tight and never letting him go!