Feeling all alone tonight! My boyfriend Is out of town for work this weekend and it is my son’s week with his Dad. So it’s just me here! I have plenty to do to keep me busy, I always make it a point to plan lots of activities when my bf is away! But for tonight my “to do” list will have to wait….my mind is too full to concentrate on any one chore.
I think I have decided I’m just not meant to have close friends! I’ve tried, it just doesn’t seem to work out properly for me! Each time this happens, I tell myself I’m not going to get that close to anyone else again, gonna build my walls up and keep myself protected. If I don’t let them in then they can’t get close enough to hurt me. Best laid out plans seldom work though. I’m too trusting, too open, too needy and clingy. I always let my guard down way too easily and end up getting stung in the end. It never feels very well in the end. I just don’t understand why people try to be so vindictive and spiteful to others that they supposedly care about? It doesn’t make sense to me. Nothing to do but move on and learn from each experience thrown at you though. So….. time to end this pity party for one and move on!
I wrote about my Dad’s death before…..I’m still dealing with all those emotions on a daily basis. It comes to surface a the oddest times over the most simplest things. I am beginning to see just how death of a close loved one can change people. I thought it was just me, I’ve seen so many changes in myself since Dad passed away. I see things differently now. Sometimes I find it hard to pinpoint what exactly has caused the change. I started seeing my boyfriend right around the time my Dad died, so as a lifetime relationship was ending, a new relationship was just beginning. Both events have caused so many changes in myself. I feel like I am finally beginning to get to know the real me. I say and do things now that I never would have dared to before. I have confidence and don’t shy away from my ideas. As I mentioned, I thought these were only things I was dealing with until a recent conversation with my Mom about my sister. It seems she is making a lot of changes in her life as well. Changing jobs after 20 plus years is one of her biggest change. Her philosophy is now that life is too short. How great is that? We both feel that now. I’m sure others in our family do as well. What a wonderful lesson we learned from our Dad’s passing. And this is exactly how he lived his life, to the fullest each and every day! I know he’s smiling down on us all, proud that we have taken on his view of life.
On a happier note, the bf has moved all of his stuff here now! The move is finally official! Now let the house hunting begin! I cannot wait to start this next chapter in our journey together! I feel so lucky to have found this amazing man. He is my dream come true. I love sharing every part of my day with him! Time to go ….. a Lifetime movie is calling my name! Until next time…..