He’s gone once again! Only for a week this time though. It hasn’t been too terribly awful this time around. I’m super busy at work so that helps. It’s always the home time that it hits me. That’s when I miss him the most.
It’s Father’s Day Weekend…so of course Dad keeps creeping into my mind. I was just thinking about how grateful I am for having a Dad like mine. That taught me so many valuable, important life lessons. And I was thinking that if given the chance I’d give anything for just one more conversation. I’d let him talk as long as he wanted! He loved to laugh and make other people laugh, I’d let him tell me as many jokes as he could remember! But I really have nothing left unsaid with him. He died knowing how loved he was. He knew our feelings, how lucky we felt to have him as our Dad. That’s how my family is…we are open and free with our words. Maybe just a little dysfunctional but we do alright.
So..everyone has read about the shark attacks on a North Carolina beach I am sure. Welp my son is going to that very beach next week with his Dad and his family. I’m really trying very hard not to be THAT Mom that freaks out over the thought of him dipping his toes into that shark infested water. We’ve talked about it, and I really am not worried about it. He isn’t much of an ocean water boy anyway.
My favorite TV show comes back on tonight (Yay!) So that’s a big distraction for me. It only comes on in the summer so I have to wait all year for it to come back on. I have a busy busy weekend planned at work …my hope is I’ll be so tired when I get home I’ll just instantly crash! And wake up on Tuesday when it’s time for him to come home again lol!
I’m back on my diet again. More focused, motivated and dedicated than before! I’ve lost 2.4 lbs this week so far! today’s been a tough day for the diet. I’m hungry and want to cheat so bad! So far, so good though! Hope to at least get somewhat close to my goal weight by the end of August when I have a wedding to go to.
I’ve thought a lot about my friend today. I’ve been under the impression that things were going ok for us lately. We’ve spoken and talked at work each day. Things seemed a little less stressed and tense between us. But she makes a point to make it clear that she has no interest in me anymore. I’m sure she feels it’s the treatment I deserve. She posted several quotes on facebook today that I know were meant for me. My first instinct was to find an even better digging in quote to post on mine. But I stopped myself. That’s not who I want to be any longer. Still working on not judging others ..it’s an everyday struggle! But at least I can say I am more aware of when it happens now.
ok …that’s it for now…more later! Have a great evening!
2 things have been on my mind today.
First, is my Daddy…have thought of him all week long. Not sure why…maybe because I’m going to Mom’s this weekend. Driving there always brings him to mind, realizing he won’t be there to say “Hey Girlfriend, I’ve been waitin’ on you”, or thinking of the drives I took when he was sick and in the hospital and not knowing what I would be facing when I arrived. Maybe it’s the time of year, like I said in a previous post, this was his most favorite time of year, or maybe it’s Father’s Day. Last year when I went to WalMart at this time of year and saw the Father’s Day cards all on display I instantly had tears in my eyes, I put it off as being so close to his death…same reaction this year though. Maybe it’s because I’ve been worried about Mom and know how badly she is missing him. Not sure of why, but hes’ been right there in the front of my mind all week long. Reliving the memories I will always cherish, feeling the love that will always be there, crying the tears that always manage to come. I am so very thankful that I was chosen to be his daughter. I will always honor him by living my life in the same ways he lived his. Fully and completely.
Number two, is a facebook post from last night:
“Let go of negative people and thoughts. Embrace positive people and those that build you up. Forgive. Be more judge-mental of self than others. .everyone makes mistakes. Have compassion and have fun!!! Life Is too short to regret. Love on purpose. Live on purpose. Be.”
Wow! What mind blowing, thought provoking words! What a way to live! Describes exactly how I want to live my life. Some parts of it I have managed to take on, other parts I am still working on everyday. Be more judge-mental of self than others…I’m going to concentrate on that one for right now. I know I need work on that and it’s a hard one . Passing judgement is so easy to do. I’ve let go of negative people, I do embrace positive people and love being around others that build me up. So I’m going to try to stop myself and take the time to realize before I pass judgement. Wish me luck!!
P.S. 3 more days! then we are together again!
I had a fabulous trip to see my sweet man! It went by very quickly, but at the same time, it was like time was standing still. Nothing else matters when we are together like that. No outside stresses..just each other and time to be together. It’s absolutely perfect! We spent our mornings going on walks and short hikes. (I felt like they were real hikes, until I’ve seen pics of what he has hiked since I left lol) The scenery was beautiful, breathtaking, indescribable. You have to experience it to get it’s beauty. Snow capped mountains, trees as tall as you can see, water falls, streams, rivers, bridges, animals, I soaked up every detail and every second. I’ll post a few pics at the end. It’s ok to step out of the box, remove yourself from your comfort zones from time to time. The old me would have never imagined enjoying this type of thing. But I do truly love it. And it makes me feel amazing! Win Win! The afternoons were spent with us both working. I would sit on the sidelines with my laptop typing away trying to get ahead at work. He would do his thing and I was blown away by the effect he has on the kids he works with. I knew he was something special….but I get to see a part of him that not many get to see. These kids get to see it. They get him totally. And they love him and respect his praise and opinion. I loved being apart of the life he is so passionate about. The evenings were spent with a great group of friends. Lots of laughs and fun times. Being with him every second of the day is the best possible scenario for me. It’s when we are our best! I can’t imagine ever wishing he would go to work, or that I could be alone. It’s just too good when we are together. Which is why it sucks so terribly awfully bad when we are apart! I’ve done really good at staying busy so far. But I’m getting that bummed feeling coming on again! One more week! I can do it!
Today was a rather calm, uneventful day. Lots of time to miss my man! I’m still being extra productive at work preparing for my absence next week. The drama was on the down side today. whew! Hired a new girl that will start tomorrow afternoon. My business is definitely on the way back up! I just hope we can all keep it there! I felt better today! Only had to take Advil once! woo hoo! It’s the little things that excite me! Had 2 good conversations with 2 of my staff members today..feeling good about that! Ya know….I had all these aspirations of all the stuff I was going to get done while he was gone…I haven’t done one thing at home! Maybe next weekend I will get it all done! I can’t wait til he gets home! I don’t remember him being quite this busy or unavailable last year 😦 . The time difference is a killer! When I can talk, he’s sleeping, when I can talk, he’s working …ugh! So that leaves his 5:30, my 8:30 dinner break. Which averages about 5 minutes that we can actually talk! These times are hard I tell ya! Hope they ease up soon!!!
I need my IT guy STAT! I think I accidentally deleted a bunch of files from one of my computer’s at work today. I had tried emailing the files to myself numerous times and it would not work. So I attempted to burn them onto a CD. Well…..I did something…clicked something ….and …..POOF GONE! I went to the recycle bin and restored the folder ..whew….but…..can’t find it on the computer now and it’s not in the recycle bin and I ran a search and nothing! Oh well….I should have plenty of time next week to re-type everything! I really do miss my IT guy…resetting your own router is hard work!
My mind can sometimes go crazy while he’s away. All these crazy thoughts start slipping in. We just need to be together. Plain and simple! The End!
lol…I’ve deleted this blog twice now….click..click..click…thank goodness for “restore”!!!
Well ….it’s here…..he left early yesterday morning. He was on and off flights all day long…staggered texts here and there….but it felt good. I felt good about it, thought I had a handle on it this year. Today….not so much. He slept all morning my time (there’s a 3 hr time difference now) then worked all afternoon and night. Very little texting today and a quick 5 min chat during his break. This is the part that is always so hard. I went from being #1, his main priority, having all of his time, to plummeting to the bottom of the list overnight. And I’m sick, and I don’t feel good. I was prepared, I knew this is how things would be. Soon as I’m done with my 5 minute pity party I’ll pull up my big girl panties and get over it. Plenty to do to keep me busy.
Re-cap of my day:
Hmm…let’s see….I couldn’t sleep last night because my bed was way too empty (pity party continues), so I’ve been awake since 4 am. Work was very busy…had to cover for someone’s day off. Which means doing their job and mine too! Had an interview this morning. I liked the girl, however, she is a college student, so summer only employment and breaks when she is home. I have another interview tomorrow I’m waiting to see how it goes before I make a final decision. Only need to hire one.
Had to correct 3 staff members today, that is never fun! One of my biggest weaknesses! But I did it! 2 for not following proper procedures and 1 for correcting her tone and way she talks. Ha….then had a call from a customer….the bank was holding their check because it wasn’t signed! Should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to slip that one by!
2:00 p.m. was called by the School Nurse saying my son had fallen while playing football during 2nd period (a long way before 2:00) and he had just now came to the office stating he was in pain. He also told the nurse he had blacked out for a few seconds after he fell. He can be a bit melodramatic at times. I talked to him on the phone and he assured me he was fine. So he stayed in school.
I left work around 4:30 and went straight to the doctor’s office. I have had terrible head pains for the last week. I’ve never had trouble with allergies or sinus problems, but I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. And wow! what pain! My whole face hurts! And the Dr. said I was running a fever (I felt o.k. before I knew that…did she have to tell me?!?) Went to the pharmacy and had my meds filled. Some strange guy kept following me up and down all the aisles while I waited. It was obvious and I was starting to get freaked. So I eventually went and set down and waited. Never saw him again.
Had to go to Sam’s to get supplies for work and went to eat with my son ( I had a salad :)) Then came home and played the new computer game I treated myself to just waiting for 8:30 to get here. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this this year. It was supposed to be better. There’s always tomorrow…
We’ve known this time was coming. It comes every summer. He has to go away for work for days/weeks at a time. First trip this year is …..yea you guessed it…3 weeks. Longer than any of the trips last year. He’s working during this time, super focused, busy doing what he loves…living out his passion. It’s a good thing. A part of him I would never want to change or take away. I support him in this and want him to teach excellence to all that will listen and learn from him.
Last years trips were very difficult on us both. We were still brand new. Still working out all of our kinks and learning new things about each other everyday. He found it very hard to focus on his work, he was overwhelmed by how much and intensely he missed me. I attempted to stay focused on work and tasks that needed to be complete….but it was so very hard. Lots of tears, were shed, so many “I miss you”‘s were spoken and typed. We knew we just had to be together. Maybe in a weak moment or two there was a “never again” muttered only to be followed by a vow to never ask or expect him to quit. Then those few last minute flights across the country for a short visit when we just couldn’t stand it any longer.
I’ve wondered all year how different this year would be. From one side, we are more secure and set in our relationship now. We are both confident that we are in this for the long run. We should be able to handle an absence with no changes occurring. After all, absence does make the heart grow fonder. On the other side..we are used to being together everyday now. He didn’t move in until the end of last summer’s tour. We spend every possible moment we can together. He is my very best friend, my sounding board, my venting post, the only true, complete love I have ever felt on this level.
Yes, I do realize I sound like a spoiled brat who is used to getting her way. I am very grateful that I have this amazing man in y life and that I am lucky enough to wake up beside him almost every morning. I have no doubt we will survive this summer and many more to follow. The excitement of the adventures to come are tempting a change in my mood. Everything wil work itself out and all will be fine. The 3 weeks will be over and done before we know it. But just for today, I get to be sad and have my pity party for one!!! More to come as the summer tour begins.